9/15/2009 - 8 Classic Toast Blunders:How to Lose Your Audience     [back]

Toasts should not be long outrageous or insulting. Toasts should share a balance of humour and sentiment, be an appropriate length, and have natural rhythm and sincerity. Increase your chances of delivering a speech people will remember by avoiding these eight common pitfalls. 1 Have A Dull Opening - This is guaranteed to lose your audience immediately. The opening sets the tone for everything to follow. And keep it tasteful. I attended one wedding in which the best man opened with, When I first met Steven, I thought he might be a member of the Taliban. Thankfully, I was wrong. The room fell quieter then a theatre showing a Pauly Shore film. 2 Be Vulgar - Use bathroom humour or vulgarity. Guaranteed to turn off everyone except juveniles, who will snicker appreciatively. No bride and groom deserve to have their day punctured by crass material. Just because cousin Darrell likes to tell jokes involving bodily functions doesn't mean they're funny. If you read over your toast and find it sounds like something cousin Darrel might have conceived, try again. 3 Be Sure To Ramble - Tell stories that have no point. Your lose your audience in a hurry. Anecdotes can serve as powerful accents to toast, but only if they mean something and go somewhere. Its not enough to say, Brenda and I have had lots of fun together over the years. One time we missed a concert because she had to make sure her bed was properly made! This may have been hilarious to the two of you at the time, but the audience has to understand why it's funny. Does it (a) highlight Brenda's compulsion for neatness or (b) that the two of you always make each other late or (c) that the only chore she ever had at home was making her bed, and she couldn't even get that right. Any story should have significance within the overall theme of your toast, and the meaning should be clear to everyone. 4 Embarrass The Couple - Cross the line from roasting to ridiculing and make everyone squirm. Teasing the bride or groom with personal quirks or idiosyncrasies can add humour and even affection to your toast - but be careful that the teasing doesn't inadvertently tip over into nastiness. Adopting the same tone in your speech as you might normally use with your friends could come off as callous to those who don't know the nature of your relationship. 5 Ridicule The Bride - Make fun of the bride and earn the hatred of everyone in the room. All grooms should especially heed this rule. This is the day you are proclaiming to the world your everlasting love for your bride, and teasing - even teasing that seems harmless to